Our pastor preached from 2 Timothy, chapter 2 yesterday. It was like a breath of fresh air...

" Warn them against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more ungodly...Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the name of the Lord out of a pure heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will." (v. 14-16, 22-26

Do I really ascribe to that teaching? If so do I live like I believe it? It is so easy, in an age of convenience, to be lulled in to thinking we are doing more than we are. I for one go to church on a regular basis, and yet I am recognizing more and more how little of the Bible's edicts I actually incorporate into my daily life, REALLY. That's hard to swallow, at least for me, it is. I mean how often when I lose out on material gain or wealth do I offer the person responsible even more of what they took from me? How often do I care for the widow and the orphan or just feed the poor. Do I avoid judgements that lead to debates aka quarreling about the "moral" issues of our election? It doesn't say I can't have a belief, or even share it, but am I doing it in kindness? Do I think it is my job to change their opinion or do I truly practice hoping "God will grant them repentance"? Do I complain? Do I rejoice in hard times? Do I "clothe" myself with "compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" when it is my spouse or children who have irritated me for the umpteenth time? Do I forgive grievances when ignorance or incivility shrouds me? DO I let "the peace of Christ rule" in my heart? Am I thankful when the economy says there is little to be thankful for? Do I flee youthful desires or do I justify "needing" one more pair of shoes or one more sweater when people don't even have access to clean water? DO I sing spiritual songs out of gratitude or is that too lame...what if someone hears me or sees me? DO I devote myself to prayer "being watchful and thankful"? Are my conversations always "seasoned with grace" or am I just out to prove how right I am, nana nana boo boo? What is my ambition, is it to lead "a quiet life" or be famous, or world renown? Do I "respect those who work hard"? Do I "warn the idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone" ? Am I "joyful always"? Do I "pray continuously"?

You get the picture. I could list infinitum directives just in the New Testament alone. And what it boils down to is not an overwhelming laundry lists of things to do but rather it all reduces to love. Love starts with focusing on the author of Love and expresses itself practically when I think of others in love. I am convinced a majority of my energy goes to thinking about myself and my interests and that is where I fail. If I really lived by "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself" well I would have arrived then wouldn't I? And let's face it, we live in a global system where the entire world is really your neighbor. If we clear cut forests in South America it causes drought in Africa. If we are greedy in our spending and consumption as Americans it effects the world. If we export pornography as our chief means of getting more of that precious pie we offend nations and destroy families worldwide. So I have grieved, first at my own lack of belief and secondly at the poor imitation we corporately have become. It's like holding up a BRATZ doll and saying she is the bride of Christ. Really?

And what I am coming to terms with on the other side of thirty, is that it does me no good unless I change. I can't change the world but I can change me. I cannot rework the Western church but I can change me. And just like when I was in my twenties and I came to some rather uncomfortable acknowledgments about my family. I had to decide what to do with those awakenings. You can a) deny the problem exists then you don't have to deal with anything, lol. You can b) acknowledge the failures, convict the perpetrators to a death sentence and cut ties and run or the route I chose to go with you c) acknowledge the hurt, the failure and choose to love, forgive, and stand by regardless. You release your family from obligations of meeting you where they are incapable and amazingly you feel about a million pounds lighter. Obviously, in my case, my family members never intended to hurt me in the first place and it wasn't some egregious sin that was stealing my soul on a daily basis. But I still had to choose to focus on where they had failed/where failing or on love. I choose love. And I will choose love for the church. AS much of a BRATZ doll as she can be at times, I choose loyalty and love. Do I deny the failures, no, but neither do I forsake her. Do I require she become pristine white dolly overnight or threaten to leave with my panties in a wad? That seems to be the tactic the modern christian has taken with the highly sacred vow of marriage so why not? I hope you sense the sarcasm. It's just I'm tired of the status quo and at the same time I am sick to death of people who can't even stay married yelling about gay marriage and all sorts of other things. That is harsh. If that is you, I am sorry.

Lord, let the change begin with me today. May I teach my own children rather than berate them into instant compliance. May I love, love ,and love some more. May I give up more of what I want in favor of what you know to be best. May I live, breath, and sleep love. Shalom. 

Perhaps it is because I have returned to college that this quote hit home with me this morning. Regardless I felt it worthy to share Paula Spencer's wise words in her latest "Momfidence" column in Woman's Day magazine:

"Raising children is not like doing  math homework, a challenge with finite answers you can arrive at if only you apply yourself. It's more like social studies (a little psychology, some anthropology, human development, keeping up with current events). Or a foreign language, for parents and kids surely speak different ones. Maybe PE, the way we run around. Or art, the challenge that's also fun to do, benefits from some basic skill instruction yet can't be taught, and has no 'right' way to be produced. It's messy, too. Instead of drawing a dot-to-dot in this space, I'd rather sketch the outlines of possibility and common sense, and let everyone draw her own conclusions."

Note to self: Masterpieces not formulas;)